Honoring your due date

Your "due date". 

If you have experienced an early pregnancy loss, you might be overwhelmed with emotions when thinking about these two words.  It might feel like a deadline for you or a last hurdle you are waiting for to move from depression to acceptance. You might even feel that your due date will be the time that you start letting yourself grieve. If you have experienced an early pregnancy loss an upcoming due date might be weighing heavily on your mind. According to clinical psychologist Kirstin Bouse, via www.essentialbaby.com, "Commemorating your baby's due date isn't just a way to reflect on how important your baby was to you, it's also a vital step in the grieving process."

While everyone must find the best way to grieve and honor their baby on their due date, here are some ideas that have helped others:

1. Find something that memorializes your baby.  You may find that it is healing to have something that memorializes your baby. You may find that a piece of jewelry that you can wear is meaningful- an initial, name, date or symbol can be printed on necklaces, rings or bracelets to help you remember your baby. You might find that getting a tattoo would help you to honor your baby. Other ideas include a statue, stuffed animal, plaque, or plant are ways that you might honor your baby. You might find it to be healing to create a memory box adding any pictures, poems, toys, outfits, or other momentos that help you to remember your baby.

2. Donate. Whether this is your time or money, you may find comfort in making a donation to a charity in honor of your baby on his/her due date. Donating can be a wonderful way to not only memorialize your baby but to also help others.

3. Surround yourself with family and loved ones. You may fine it helpful to surround yourself with loved ones on this day. Those who know and will help you to honor your baby. It may be helpful for you to talk about it with others, to have a celebration in your baby's honor or simply to just be surrounded by love.

4. Spend time alone. You may find it comforting to be alone.  You may want time to process what this day means to you by yourself. You may not want to talk about the day. You may find it comforting to write about your baby or use art to process your feelings about the day.

5. Take a vacation or a staycation.  You and your partner may enjoy taking time off from work to go out of town or to have a mini vacation in town. It might help you to celebrate the day by making some happy memories or it just might be a good distraction to get through the day.

These are a few suggestions that have helped others. Everyone grieves differently and you have to find what is right for you. If you are having a hard time processing your grief or are feeling stuck there is help.

For more information about grieving after a pregnancy loss please contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com