Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Your guide to resources from a therapist in Madison

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.”

— Ronald Reagan

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Here are some local events around Madison, WI to honor the babies gone too soon. At the end of the list are some options for ongoing virtual support on a national level.

October 6th- Fundraiser at Octopi Brewing Company for the Hope and Loss Clinic

October 7th- Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day Walk and Ceremony

October 8th- Morning Coffee with the Alana Rose Foundation

October 11th 12-1 p.m. Free Miscarriage virtual Support group hosted by Julie from Kull Counseling (therapist Madison)

October 12th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Advocate Aurora Oshkosh 2023 5-7 p.m.

October 15th Wave of Light at 7 p.m.

October 19th 6:30-8:30 p.m. The Bereaved Parents of Madison Hosts and in person support group

Other virtual options for support include Postpartum International and Return to Zero.

For more information about local support for Pregnancy or Infant Loss in Wisconsin. Email Julie C Kull, LCSW.

When pregnancy after a loss doesn't feel like a rainbow

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You've experienced a perinatal loss and now you are pregnant again. The response of some people may be "I am so excited" or "I feel so lucky to be pregnant after a loss" but what if that isn't your response?  What if your response sounds more like "I am terrified or nervous" or "what if it happens again?". 

A rainbow baby is defined as a baby that is born after a miscarriage or stillbirth. In life a rainbow appears after a storm. The storm is perinatal loss and the rainbow is your beautiful baby that has emerged from the darkness (Urban Dictonary). While being able to get pregnant after a loss can be a relief and joy, it can also bring about a mixture of emotions.

Here are some common emotions that you may experience during a rainbow pregnancy:

Anxiety- Many couples experience intense anxiety during a pregnancy with a rainbow baby. After a loss your sense of security is gone. You may worry constantly about the health of your pregnancy. Women can have difficult times attaching to their pregnancies depending on physical symptoms for reassurance or worrying at the absence of them. You may feel like you will jinx the pregnancy if you start to plan for a baby; telling family and friends you are pregnant, buying items to bring the baby home, picking out names or even just getting excited about the pregnancy. Simple check-ups at the doctors office can turn into anxiety and nightmares. Even every day tasks can seem daunting as you worry about how it will effect the well being of your pregnancy.

Depression- You may feel intense feelings of sadness about your loss. You may have guilt about feeling happy or sad. Some couples wait until they have processed their loss before they start trying again, while others may start trying right away. Whether or not you waited to start trying again, getting pregnant again can bring such a sense of relief but it can also bring up feelings of sadness that you may have thought were gone. 

Grief- While you might have felt that you processed your grief from your loss, a pregnancy after a loss may bring up some of your grief again. It can feel like this pregnancy is supposed to replace your loss. You may struggle with honoring the child you lost while also honoring the child you are pregnant with. It may be an internal struggle to sit with your feelings of grief while also being happy for the new life inside of you.

If you are feeling mixed emotions about being pregnant again, you are not alone. How you feel about your pregnancy may change each day if not each hour. Anxiety, Depression and Grief are common emotions but so are Happiness, Relief and Hope. 

If you experiencing intense emotions during your rainbow pregnancy you are not alone. For counseling services please contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807 or email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com. For information on support groups please contact Bereaved Parents of Madison,