Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Your guide to resources from a therapist in Madison

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.”

— Ronald Reagan

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Here are some local events around Madison, WI to honor the babies gone too soon. At the end of the list are some options for ongoing virtual support on a national level.

October 6th- Fundraiser at Octopi Brewing Company for the Hope and Loss Clinic

October 7th- Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day Walk and Ceremony

October 8th- Morning Coffee with the Alana Rose Foundation

October 11th 12-1 p.m. Free Miscarriage virtual Support group hosted by Julie from Kull Counseling (therapist Madison)

October 12th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Advocate Aurora Oshkosh 2023 5-7 p.m.

October 15th Wave of Light at 7 p.m.

October 19th 6:30-8:30 p.m. The Bereaved Parents of Madison Hosts and in person support group

Other virtual options for support include Postpartum International and Return to Zero.

For more information about local support for Pregnancy or Infant Loss in Wisconsin. Email Julie C Kull, LCSW.

Pregnancy after infertility

You have been trying for days, months, maybe even years. Part of you felt that it was never going to happen, maybe you even started to prepare yourself for that and then it does. And maybe you feel some joy, but you might also feel shock, denial or numb. It might not feel real even after you take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. Everyone has advice to give when it comes to getting pregnant when diagnosed with infertility but what happens when you get pregnant after infertility?

Does the infertility diagnosis go away?

No! You are not suddenly cured because you now are pregnant. It doesn’t take away the stress, the longing, the anger, the resentment, how its impacted your mental health or your finances or the impact it had on relationships.

Why do I feel like an imposter?

You may feel like an imposter after getting pregnant. You have wanted to be in this group of pregnant people for so long and now that you are here it doesn’t feel right. You feel like you don’t fit in. Infertility has changed you and changed this narrative you have had about becoming a parent.

Why do I fell guilty?

You may even feel guilty after becoming pregnant. It is common to feel guilty about leaving behind those that are still struggling with infertility. This can be isolating and feel very lonely. If you are feeling like an imposter in the pregnancy group, but also no longer feel like you fit in the infertility groups it can be hard to feel supported.

I am pregnant so I can’t complain.

It is so common for women to feel like if pregnancy is hard or not what they expected that they are allowed to feel this way. You may be telling yourself well this is what I wanted so I can’t complain or you may also be hearing this from others or well you got pregnant what did you expect. Even if you have a very wanted pregnancy that you tried very hard to get, pregnancy is still hard, uncomfortable at times, and not what you expected. Your feelings are VALID!

I don’t feel attached to my pregnancy.

It is common after infertility or a loss to not feel attached right away. This is your protective part telling you this isn’t safe, we need to protect you. For most of you this will grow and develop naturally. If it doesn’t feel like you are slowly starting to develop or that it is feeling more and more real- therapy can help.

I am feeling anxious.

It is common to notice some anxiety or sadness about being pregnant. If you are noticing these frequently or noticing that they are increasing it is important to get help. If you are noticing intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks there is help.

To learn more about infertility counseling in Madison or anywhere in Wisconsin or to set up your free 15 minute consultation you can reach me here for a therapist Madison.

Meditation for miscarriage, pregnancy after loss and new moms

I remember trying to meditate for the first time. I made every excuse in the book to avoid it. I convinced myself that I did not have time, convinced myself that it wasn’t a good use of my time, that I wasn’t doing it right so what was the point. It took YEARS until I developed a regular practice and it is still a work in progress.

Meditation has so many unbelievable benefits. According to Positive Psychology.com , meditation can reduce physical, mental and emotional disturbances. This can include anxiety, depression, pain, blood pressure, stress, migraines, IBS, ect. Meditation can be so effective.

So if it is so great, why isn’t everyone doing it? What I hear often is that it is hard, you may think you are doing it wrong and if you are doing it wrong what is the point? Other reasons can include you may feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed or don’t want to feel anything.

All of the reasons are valid. I like to invite my clients to start small. Try to take one minute everyday where you just try to tune into your body and breath and go from there. Many of you may find it is easier to do when you have someone guiding you. I certainly do! There are meditations everywhere it seems but finding one that resonates with you is important.

Recently I have created some meditations with you in mind. My library is building slowly but I currently have meditations for miscarriage, pregnancy after loss and motherhood. I will be adding more soon. If you are looking for a specific meditation that is a fit for you please- DM me, reply to this newsletter and let me know what you are looking for and I will do my best to make that available to you.

Interested in learning more about the meditations from a therapist Madison? Click here.

Happy Meditating!

Postpartum PT Care, Interview with a therapist in Madison

I had the honor of interviewing a therapist in Madison, Jessica Dufault from Mindful Motion Physical Therapy to learn more about how she helps postpartum care in Madison. She specializes in pelvic floor and women’s wellness. She is an excellent resource for women in the pre/postnatal stage and also works with women that have experienced a pregnancy loss.

Julie: Hello Jessica,

Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me. Would you start by introducing yourself?

Jessica: Hello,

I'm excited to be talking with you about pelvic health today and thanks for inviting me!

I'm a mom, partner, business owner and Pelvic PT in a small private practice. I support people throughout their lifespan (18+ years old, my wisest client was 94!)

Julie: Who can benefit from PT for the pelvic floor?

Jessica: Anyone with a pelvis! But specifically if you've gone through life transitions such as pregnancy, postpartum and perimenopause. During these times, your health and pelvis can undergo transitions that can be challenging to navigate alone and may sometimes require additional TLC.

Julie: I work with a lot of pre/postpartum moms. What are some symptoms that they may notice if they need physical therapy?

Jessica: Great question! If you are pre/postpartum, here are some things to look out for

Peeing when you don't want to

Prolapse which is a shift in position of pelvic organs (feeling of pressure, heaviness or a "falling out" feeling)

Difficulty with internal menstrual product use

Pain with penetration, including sex, exams, menstrual products

Scar tissue restrictions or pain (perineal or cesarean)

Diastasis Recti (separation of abdominal tissue) which can lead to feeling weak or even LBP

Pain in areas like the low back, sacroiliac joint, hip. As well as sciatica and pubic symphysis dysfunction

You may also be looking for guidance on exercise or fitness

You may want support for prepping your body for demands of pregnancy and birth

Julie: If someone has a cesarean birth is PT still helpful?

Jessica: Yes! I had an unplanned cesarean and I had NO idea how difficult the recovery would be and didn't have the support I needed (which is one factor that pushed me from an orthopedic PT to a pelvic PT!).

Taking care of the scar tissue, assessing the position and movement of pelvic organs and regaining abdominal strength are all very important to ensure good long term pelvic health.

Julie: I also work a lot with bereaved moms. I think a lot of times they don't always think about being postpartum because they are not given the same attention as a mom that is lucky enough to bring a baby home. Do you have experience working with bereaved moms? How might your work look different? What might be important for them to know?

Jessica: I don't have a lot of experience here but over the years I have supported a few people who've experienced loss in pregnancy, during birth or a few weeks after birth. And maybe my experience is limited because of what you've already mentioned, that they aren't given the same attention, resources and discussion on all aspects of physical postpartum support. And yet they have the right and deserve the same access to physical pregnancy/post-pregnancy care.

Because if you have experienced a miscarriage in early or mid pregnancy prior to 20 weeks, or a stillbirth (whether vaginal or cesarean) at anytime past 20 weeks, your body has been impacted by hormones and all the accompanying physical changes to the body that pregnancy and birth can bring on. Which deserves attention and support!

We can start early education and support depending on each person's readiness however we wouldn't do a full pelvic assessment until 6 weeks post birth.

All of my clients are screened for mental and emotional health and this helps me to understand where they are in the (potential) grieving process as well as what support they've been able to access and then I can fill in referral gaps as necessary.

And with all clients, I follow their lead in how we approach the plan of care and meet them where they are and with what they (and their bodies) seem ready for. This is especially important for clients with a history of trauma or loss.

Julie: This is so helpful. Thank you! It is a great to know that you are aware and sensitive to the trauma and grief that all these moms are going through and ways to support them.

Julie: What are the benefits that PT can offer?

Jessica: Navigating changes in our bodies can be a lot and accessing a pelvic PT can help people feel well supported physically, emotionally & mentally. Knowing you don't have to "go at it alone" or "suffer in silence" can have a profound impact.

Also it's not just about the pelvic floor! My training and education allow me to support people with all aspects of their health and wellness as it relates to menstruation, fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause & menopause.

Julie: If someone is interested in working with you, how do they initiate that?

Jessica: Our website is a great place to start. Lots of info there on who we support and all the options- like using insurance, choosing our ​self-pay programs or even our online programs. We also offer online scheduling through our website.

We do have a free and private Facebook group that everyone is welcome to join if they are looking for more community, support and general pelvic health education.

Julie: Thank you so much Jessica for taking the time to meet with me today. Is there any other information that would be important to know?

Jessica: I often get feedback that our space feels very warm and inviting and that talking with me is way easier than they anticipated (and they say "I wish I had come sooner!") We work hard to make the experience feel supportive and easy. If anyone has reservations, I'm also open to chatting via email or phone call as necessary to make sure it's the right fit overall.

Julie: Jessica you are a valuable resource to the community. Thank you so much for talking with me today and all that you do for the postpartum moms. One of the reasons I asked Jessica to speak today is because of all the great content I see her putting on instagram for free. If you haven’t found her on there yet she is

that_ pelvic _lady.

For more resources on pregnancy or postpartum mental health contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

The emotional toll of a Missed Miscarriage

Having a miscarriage can be devastating. You may know signs and symptoms to look for  when your body may be starting the process of miscarriage and look for those throughout the first trimester. However, you may not know  that you can suffer a loss, but the body may not show signs of a miscarriage. This is referred to as a missed miscarriage.

Having a missed miscarriage can add an extra layer to the grief and trauma around early pregnancy loss. According to www.progny.com, “A missed miscarriage, also known as a missed abortion or a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus is no longer alive, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may continue to release hormones, so you may continue to experience signs of pregnancy.” A missed miscarriage can be devastating when there has not been any symptoms, and often, these symptoms may be typical of a healthy pregnancy - i.e., fatigue, nausea, etc. For most of you, you will find out about missed miscarriages when you go into your doctor’s office for your first appointment. One of the happiest days of your life (when you get to see your baby for the first time) can quickly turn to one of your saddest (finding out your baby is no longer alive).

For many carrying partners this can feel like your body has failed you, twice. Once, that your body was not able to carry a baby to term, and twice, because if your pregnancy was to end in a miscarriage why did your body not do this naturally? This can lead to a strong mistrust in your body that may lead to abuse or neglect of yourself. This also can present in a subsequent pregnancy causing anxiety and depression or ptsd. It can feel like your body is not a safe place for a healthy pregnancy after a missed miscarriage.

Having a missed miscarriage also leads you to what can be a difficult and painful decision of deciding how to manage the miscarriage process. While some people will wait to see if their body can complete the miscarriage on its own, most doctors will encourage you to schedule an intervention to manage the miscarriage process for health concerns.

After a decision has been made it can still be weeks to months to complete the process and symptoms of pregnancy may linger for months after that.

It is common to feel many different things, some common ones being shock, anger, denial, grief, shame, jealousy. You may feel a loss of control. It can be helpful to get connected to support during a missed miscarriage whether that is a support group, or a therapist that can help you talk through your decision, feelings and support you through the process and after a loss. Having a miscarriage can be isolating, finding support can make a huge difference.

Finding ways to be present in your body can be an important part of your process. Whether this is through grounding, centering, breathe work or exercise, movement or dance, it is important to be in your body and find healthy ways to reconnect with your body.

For more resources on miscarriage and to learn about the miscarriage support group with a therapist Madison, sign up for my monthly newsletter here. https://www.kullcounselingmadison.com/

Pregnancy after a loss meditation script

Being pregnant after a loss can come with an increase of anxiety. Meditation can be a great way to get in your body, become aware of how you feel, and to stay present. Recently I recorded a meditation which can be found on the pregnancy after loss page on my website.

Here is the script:

Pregnancy after loss meditation-

I invite you to get into a comfortable position either with your feet on the floor or lying down. Rest your hands by your side or in your lap and begin to close your eyes.

Today we are going to be talking about pregnancy after a loss. There are many thoughts that can come up for those pregnant after a loss.

I invite you today to acknowledge your thoughts and just notice them, without judgment.  Our thoughts are not facts.

There is no wrong way to meditate. Meditation takes practice and it is okay if your mind wanders, if you notice your thoughts wandering simply let them go and bring your awareness back to your breath.

We will begin by bringing awareness into the breath. Inhale to the count of 3 and exhale to the count of 4. If at any moment today something feels uncomfortable in your body please skip it. We will continue to breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 4 bringing attention to our breath.

Breath in and out

In and out

We will begin by bringing awareness into our body. Starting by bringing awareness into our head, notice how your forehead, your eyes, your mouth, your cheeks your ears are feeling, notice any sensations without judgment.

Now bring your awareness down your head to your neck and shoulders, simply noticing how you are feeling.

Now draw your attention to your chest and back and simply notice. Continue to breath into the count of 3 out to the count of 4.

Bring your awareness into your arms and then your hands. Notice if they feel heavy, light, warm or cold. Simply notice how they are feeling at this very moment.

Continue down your body now into your lower back, stomach and hips noticing any sensations. Continue traveling down into your legs and toes continuing to breath and notice any sensations.

Take a deep breath in through you head and breath out through your toes.

We will now return to our heart and our stomach. If it feels okay to you bring one hand to your heart and another to your belly.

Continue to breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 4.

Bring breath and awareness to your heart and your belly. Your body is strong. Your body can grow a healthy baby. You can hold love in your heart for both your loss and for the new baby growing inside of you.

Whatever emotions you are feeling inside or okay. Emotions are not good or bad, they just simply are. Notice your emotions without judgment and bring your awareness back to your breath.

Continue to breath. If you have an intention for your pregnancy you can say it silently now.

As we start to return now to the room know that your baby is loved, that your body is strong and capable of caring for this baby.

Know that meditation is available whenever you need it. You can return to these feelings of calm whenever you need to.

I will count back from 5 and then we will return to the room.

5, 4, 3 begin to bring movement back to your body, 2 bring awareness back to the room 1 open your eyes.

For more information about pregnancy after a loss please contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com