October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month 2020

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. For me it is the time of year that I think about the baby that I lost through miscarriage. October is the month that I found out I was pregnant. I told my husband by buying pumpkins. One for him, one for our daughter, one for me and a tiny pumpkin to let him know we had a new pumpkin on the way. It was such a happy moment and I remember it so vividly even though it was 6 years ago now. Even though I know it is coming every year I am still surprised by it every year. This year it came early. My rainbow baby pointed to a small pumpkin the other day on our walk and said, “oh mom, look how cute this baby pumpkin” is.

Do you have moments like this? A memory or object that bring up thoughts of your baby?

This month is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. This year is Covid-19. Usually it is a month filled of events that help you by bringing together a community of families that hold their babies in their hearts instead of their hands. This year that will look different. I have included a list of some virtual events in the Madison area. I know this year may be difficult for you because community can be such an important part of your healing journey. Please know that even though we are not able to gather in person, there is still a community here to support you.

OCTOBER:

1st: Miscarriage support group - The free monthly miscarriage support group will meeting virtually on October 1st from 5 - 6:15 p.m. Please email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com to register.

3rd: 10 a.m. CST: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep virtual walk

The Virtual Walk includes an online presentation with readings, music, and speakers to honor your baby. During the presentation, each baby is honored by having his or her name read aloud.

Also the 3rd: Harley’s Hustle virtual 5k Set your course, set your pace, and just run. Share your pictures by tagging @HarleysHustle on social media.

8th: 6:30 p.m. GPS Hope Janesville (2nd Thursday)

12th: 5:30 - 7 p.m. Bo's Heavenly Clubhouse Support Meetings at Higher Grounds Coffee Shop in Beaver Dam (2nd Monday)

15th - 18th: Forever In Our Hearts Remembrance Day: Join by creating a sense of community and support found at in-person walks. There are many ways to join this event - purchase a yard sign, walk in your community, watch a video of the names of babies being remembered this year, and so on.

26th: 5:30 - 7 p.m. Bo's Heavenly Clubhouse Support Meetings at Higher Grounds Coffee Shop in Beaver Dam (4th Monday)

For more information on miscarriage or the above events email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com or 608.239.4807.

Coping with Anxiety and Covid-19

In the last few weeks it may feel that your world has been turned upside down. Many of you may be quarantined, social distancing, staying at home or safer at home. In this time of uncertainty, Covid-19, many of you may be feeling an increase of anxiety. Here are some tips for managing anxiety during the pandemic.

1. Exercise- exercise is important for physical and mental health. If you have an anxiety disorder exercise plays an essential role in managing anxiety. Exercise not only releases serotonin and endorphins to improve your mood but also can reduce activation in the amygdala which is the area of the brain that sends a distress signal to activate our fight, flight, freeze response. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

2. Get outside- Time in the outdoors can be restorative. Having deficient levels of vitamin D can also be linked to depression and anxiety. https://www.unitypoint.org/livewell/article.aspx?id=ca7f4766-8ba8-43a2-bbe7-0ef9efab5c6d

3. Meditate- Meditation can improve focus, decrease anxiety, and help with emotion regulation among other benefits.

4. Keep a routine- our bodies thrive on routines. Routines can improve productivity, setting expectations and having some control.

5. Sleep- REM sleep can also play a role in decreasing activation in the amygdala. Setting up a sleep routine can signal to our body when it is time to go to sleep.

6. Social Support- these are hard times. While you many be social distancing from friends you do not need to isolate. Reaching out to friends can provide a sense of normalcy and a sense of belonging.

7. Manage your screen time- Between work, school and socializing online many of your are getting more screen time than you ever have before. Screen time can impact anxiety, sleep and overall well-being.

8. Focus on what you have control of- unfortunately with Covid-19 it may feel like there are many things that are out of your control. Focusing on these can lead to increased anxiety. Instead try focusing on what things are within your control. Make a plan for the things that are in your control, and let go of the things that are out of your control.

9. Stay present- Ask yourself what do I know in this moment instead of the what ifs.

10. Attitude of Gratitude- in the midst of all this chaos there is a lot to be grateful for. What do you feel grateful for? Write it down, say it out loud. Surround yourself with positive messages.

    For more information on coping with anxiety during the pandemic or to set up a free 15-minute consultation email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com or 608.239.4807.

Surviving the holidays after early pregnancy loss/miscarriage

In 1963, Andy Williams sang, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."

If you have experienced an early pregnancy loss you may feel differently. The holidays can be a difficult time of the year for many, but can be especially difficult if you have experienced a  miscarriage.

You may be dreading parties because people do know and are uncomfortable about what to say or  people do not know and are asking when you are planning on starting or growing your family. Or maybe you are dreading opening holiday cards of pictures of friends and family with their children or you may be dreading sending out your own without your child. 

You might be celebrating the anniversary of your loss, a due date or your child's first holiday. Perhaps you were waiting for Christmas to announce your upcoming birth. You might have already made plans for what this holiday would look like with a new baby.  It is easy to feel triggered around the holidays when much of it is centered around family and children.

Wherever you are in your journey, and whatever stage you are at in your grief, here are a few ideas to help through the holiday season.

Update 2021: This is an article that I wrote a few years ago but I have found is still helpful for navigating the holidays today. That being said for most of you, the holidays will look much different this year in the midst of Covid-19. I think more than ever this year support is especially needed. Whether it is virtual, or socially distanced I encourage you to find your support people. If you are not getting the support you need, it is important to ask for it. You may find going through a pregnancy loss can be isolating.

Tips for getting through the holiday season after an early pregnancy loss:

1. Get extra support - You need additional support during this time. Whether this is doubling up on support groups,  additional therapy sessions or just making plans with those that support you and your loss. If you are  religious, this may include attending services or seeking support through other church members. 

Support groups for miscarriage in the Madison, WI area:

https://www.kullcounselingmadison.com/miscarriage-support-group/

http://www.bereavedparentsofmadison.com

2. Say No - You do not have to do everything. It is okay to say no, whether this is to a party, a family gathering or sending out holiday cards. You especially do not need to do anything that triggers you or that is not a good space for you right now.

3. Practice kindness - During the holidays you tend to practice gratitude and kindness towards each other. Practice kindness and gratitude towards yourself. You may feel like you should be over your grief by now or that you were doing so well and that you took a step backwards-be patient with yourself. Do extra self care during this season: cooking, going for a walk, yoga, practicing mindfulness, reading a book, talking to a friend, or going on a date with your partner are just a few ideas.

4. Honor your baby - you may find it comforting to start a tradition to remember your baby during the holidays. This may look like buying an ornament that honors them or lighting a candle on your holiday to honor their presence. It could be volunteering or buying a gift for someone in need. Whatever this may look like for you, if you want your baby to be part of your holidays you can do it and let the important people in your life know what you need to honor your baby so they can support you.

Please remember if you are grieving a miscarriage you are not alone. If you need help during the holidays, Kull Counseling can help. Please contact  608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com for more information.