How therapy can help after a miscarriage

It is estimated that 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage. You may be feeling like if it is so common that you “should” be able to deal with it on your own or that it will not impact you or maybe even that it isn’t a big deal. For most people it is a big deal and it can be pretty hard to cope with.

Statistics suggest that 30-50% of women experience anxiety and 10-15 percent experience depression up to 4 months following a loss according to FIGO.

NIHR discusses a study that found 1 in 3 women show signs of PTSD after a miscarriage.

So why is this important? We know that the mental health of the mother can greatly impact the child even in pregnancy. Their are many studies that discuss the impact of the mental well being of the mom in pregnancy and the long term impact it may have on the child’s physical, emotional and cognitive development. Many women will become pregnant again soon after a miscarriage but long before anxiety and/or depression symptoms have subsided. While it is common to think getting pregnant again after a loss will decrease anxiety it often does not. Seeking therapy after a miscarriage can impact your ability to cope and decrease anxiety/depression in subsequent pregnancy.

How can therapy help?

Normalize- Many of the feelings you may be feeling are common for those that have had a miscarriage. Knowing that your feelings are okay and that there are ways to cope. Knowing that it is hard to have a miscarriage, that women do seek therapy and sometimes medication after a loss and that most people do not just “get over it”, even if it is common.

Validate- I am just going to say it- people are sooo uncomfortable with grief. You may be finding it really hard to express your feelings with family and friends. This can be even harder with a pregnancy loss that it can be when losing a friend or a grandparent. Often the people in your life may have not had an attachment or even known about the pregnancy before. It can be hard for people to relate to what we call an ambiguous loss. It can be really healing to have your feelings acknowledged and validated.

Help you to identify healthy ways to cope with grief- Unfortunately trying again or gods willing it or at least you know you can get pregnant are not the kind of healthy ways you need to deal with grief. But, acknowledging your feelings, finding support, creating a container for your grief, nurturing yourself, honoring your loss, making meaning and acceptance can be.

Set boundaries and ask for what you need in relationship- If you are in a relationship you probably are already starting to realize that you are your partner are grieving this differently. This also applies to family members that may need a gentle reminder on what you need to feel supported or the acknowledgement that this person in your life might not have the ability to support you through this for whatever reason and ouch can that really hurt.

Understand the grief and trauma around pregnancy loss- Understanding a framework for grief and what you have or might experience can help. Looking at your loss and understanding the trauma that can be experienced can also be really helpful in understanding how it has impacted you and what makes it difficult to process. Working with those triggers, increasing your window of tolerance and helping you to feel more regulated can make a difference.

If you still aren’t sure..find out more or schedule a free 15 minute consult here with a therapist Madison.

Pregnancy after infertility

You have been trying for days, months, maybe even years. Part of you felt that it was never going to happen, maybe you even started to prepare yourself for that and then it does. And maybe you feel some joy, but you might also feel shock, denial or numb. It might not feel real even after you take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. Everyone has advice to give when it comes to getting pregnant when diagnosed with infertility but what happens when you get pregnant after infertility?

Does the infertility diagnosis go away?

No! You are not suddenly cured because you now are pregnant. It doesn’t take away the stress, the longing, the anger, the resentment, how its impacted your mental health or your finances or the impact it had on relationships.

Why do I feel like an imposter?

You may feel like an imposter after getting pregnant. You have wanted to be in this group of pregnant people for so long and now that you are here it doesn’t feel right. You feel like you don’t fit in. Infertility has changed you and changed this narrative you have had about becoming a parent.

Why do I fell guilty?

You may even feel guilty after becoming pregnant. It is common to feel guilty about leaving behind those that are still struggling with infertility. This can be isolating and feel very lonely. If you are feeling like an imposter in the pregnancy group, but also no longer feel like you fit in the infertility groups it can be hard to feel supported.

I am pregnant so I can’t complain.

It is so common for women to feel like if pregnancy is hard or not what they expected that they are allowed to feel this way. You may be telling yourself well this is what I wanted so I can’t complain or you may also be hearing this from others or well you got pregnant what did you expect. Even if you have a very wanted pregnancy that you tried very hard to get, pregnancy is still hard, uncomfortable at times, and not what you expected. Your feelings are VALID!

I don’t feel attached to my pregnancy.

It is common after infertility or a loss to not feel attached right away. This is your protective part telling you this isn’t safe, we need to protect you. For most of you this will grow and develop naturally. If it doesn’t feel like you are slowly starting to develop or that it is feeling more and more real- therapy can help.

I am feeling anxious.

It is common to notice some anxiety or sadness about being pregnant. If you are noticing these frequently or noticing that they are increasing it is important to get help. If you are noticing intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks there is help.

To learn more about infertility counseling in Madison or anywhere in Wisconsin or to set up your free 15 minute consultation you can reach me here for a therapist Madison.

Meditation for miscarriage, pregnancy after loss and new moms

I remember trying to meditate for the first time. I made every excuse in the book to avoid it. I convinced myself that I did not have time, convinced myself that it wasn’t a good use of my time, that I wasn’t doing it right so what was the point. It took YEARS until I developed a regular practice and it is still a work in progress.

Meditation has so many unbelievable benefits. According to Positive Psychology.com , meditation can reduce physical, mental and emotional disturbances. This can include anxiety, depression, pain, blood pressure, stress, migraines, IBS, ect. Meditation can be so effective.

So if it is so great, why isn’t everyone doing it? What I hear often is that it is hard, you may think you are doing it wrong and if you are doing it wrong what is the point? Other reasons can include you may feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed or don’t want to feel anything.

All of the reasons are valid. I like to invite my clients to start small. Try to take one minute everyday where you just try to tune into your body and breath and go from there. Many of you may find it is easier to do when you have someone guiding you. I certainly do! There are meditations everywhere it seems but finding one that resonates with you is important.

Recently I have created some meditations with you in mind. My library is building slowly but I currently have meditations for miscarriage, pregnancy after loss and motherhood. I will be adding more soon. If you are looking for a specific meditation that is a fit for you please- DM me, reply to this newsletter and let me know what you are looking for and I will do my best to make that available to you.

Interested in learning more about the meditations from a therapist Madison? Click here.

Happy Meditating!

The emotional toll of a Missed Miscarriage

Having a miscarriage can be devastating. You may know signs and symptoms to look for  when your body may be starting the process of miscarriage and look for those throughout the first trimester. However, you may not know  that you can suffer a loss, but the body may not show signs of a miscarriage. This is referred to as a missed miscarriage.

Having a missed miscarriage can add an extra layer to the grief and trauma around early pregnancy loss. According to www.progny.com, “A missed miscarriage, also known as a missed abortion or a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus is no longer alive, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may continue to release hormones, so you may continue to experience signs of pregnancy.” A missed miscarriage can be devastating when there has not been any symptoms, and often, these symptoms may be typical of a healthy pregnancy - i.e., fatigue, nausea, etc. For most of you, you will find out about missed miscarriages when you go into your doctor’s office for your first appointment. One of the happiest days of your life (when you get to see your baby for the first time) can quickly turn to one of your saddest (finding out your baby is no longer alive).

For many carrying partners this can feel like your body has failed you, twice. Once, that your body was not able to carry a baby to term, and twice, because if your pregnancy was to end in a miscarriage why did your body not do this naturally? This can lead to a strong mistrust in your body that may lead to abuse or neglect of yourself. This also can present in a subsequent pregnancy causing anxiety and depression or ptsd. It can feel like your body is not a safe place for a healthy pregnancy after a missed miscarriage.

Having a missed miscarriage also leads you to what can be a difficult and painful decision of deciding how to manage the miscarriage process. While some people will wait to see if their body can complete the miscarriage on its own, most doctors will encourage you to schedule an intervention to manage the miscarriage process for health concerns.

After a decision has been made it can still be weeks to months to complete the process and symptoms of pregnancy may linger for months after that.

It is common to feel many different things, some common ones being shock, anger, denial, grief, shame, jealousy. You may feel a loss of control. It can be helpful to get connected to support during a missed miscarriage whether that is a support group, or a therapist that can help you talk through your decision, feelings and support you through the process and after a loss. Having a miscarriage can be isolating, finding support can make a huge difference.

Finding ways to be present in your body can be an important part of your process. Whether this is through grounding, centering, breathe work or exercise, movement or dance, it is important to be in your body and find healthy ways to reconnect with your body.

For more resources on miscarriage and to learn about the miscarriage support group with a therapist Madison, sign up for my monthly newsletter here. https://www.kullcounselingmadison.com/

Pregnancy after a loss meditation script

Being pregnant after a loss can come with an increase of anxiety. Meditation can be a great way to get in your body, become aware of how you feel, and to stay present. Recently I recorded a meditation which can be found on the pregnancy after loss page on my website.

Here is the script:

Pregnancy after loss meditation-

I invite you to get into a comfortable position either with your feet on the floor or lying down. Rest your hands by your side or in your lap and begin to close your eyes.

Today we are going to be talking about pregnancy after a loss. There are many thoughts that can come up for those pregnant after a loss.

I invite you today to acknowledge your thoughts and just notice them, without judgment.  Our thoughts are not facts.

There is no wrong way to meditate. Meditation takes practice and it is okay if your mind wanders, if you notice your thoughts wandering simply let them go and bring your awareness back to your breath.

We will begin by bringing awareness into the breath. Inhale to the count of 3 and exhale to the count of 4. If at any moment today something feels uncomfortable in your body please skip it. We will continue to breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 4 bringing attention to our breath.

Breath in and out

In and out

We will begin by bringing awareness into our body. Starting by bringing awareness into our head, notice how your forehead, your eyes, your mouth, your cheeks your ears are feeling, notice any sensations without judgment.

Now bring your awareness down your head to your neck and shoulders, simply noticing how you are feeling.

Now draw your attention to your chest and back and simply notice. Continue to breath into the count of 3 out to the count of 4.

Bring your awareness into your arms and then your hands. Notice if they feel heavy, light, warm or cold. Simply notice how they are feeling at this very moment.

Continue down your body now into your lower back, stomach and hips noticing any sensations. Continue traveling down into your legs and toes continuing to breath and notice any sensations.

Take a deep breath in through you head and breath out through your toes.

We will now return to our heart and our stomach. If it feels okay to you bring one hand to your heart and another to your belly.

Continue to breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 4.

Bring breath and awareness to your heart and your belly. Your body is strong. Your body can grow a healthy baby. You can hold love in your heart for both your loss and for the new baby growing inside of you.

Whatever emotions you are feeling inside or okay. Emotions are not good or bad, they just simply are. Notice your emotions without judgment and bring your awareness back to your breath.

Continue to breath. If you have an intention for your pregnancy you can say it silently now.

As we start to return now to the room know that your baby is loved, that your body is strong and capable of caring for this baby.

Know that meditation is available whenever you need it. You can return to these feelings of calm whenever you need to.

I will count back from 5 and then we will return to the room.

5, 4, 3 begin to bring movement back to your body, 2 bring awareness back to the room 1 open your eyes.

For more information about pregnancy after a loss please contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com